Forever
by Justin7
Summary: Clark is depressed


Forever

She looked at him as he stared through his telescope the aim of his questioning judge directly up into the sky. She thought it cute on how he was searching. She thought it cute of a boy being so curious on what is out there. It was sweet, knowing that he actually enjoyed the magnificence of the sky and the stars. She took a few steps closer towards him, wondering when he'd break out of his concentration and notice her. She felt it odd that she wanted to take him away from that, but she did as he looked up startled at seeing her, but the look on his face was something that Lana wasn't expecting, or at least what was in his eyes.

She studied Clark's face as she saw tears in his eyes and his face a slight puffy red. She suddenly felt guilty for disturbing his privacy. Sometimes people are supposed to be alone, and they're allowed to remorse or get rid of any feelings they may be having, or extend on those feelings…, she knew it all too well.

She was slightly taken aback and her body motion pointed that all too well as she stepped back and raised her hands towards her mouth but stopped before they got there, "Clark, are you okay?" She was expecting him to smile and nod, turning and wiping his face composing himself, and then boyishly shrugging it all off as if it was nothing, but he didn't. He stood there like he was lost, or as though he didn't care. His face didn't change at all, if anything it got more distraught, and Lana's got more concerned, especially since he didn't answer her. "Clark, what's wrong?" She asked.

She looked on as his body slid down against the wooden wall, it looked as though it was painful, but no more added pain seemed to pour onto Clark's face. It was as though his face was stone, what was wrong? She thought. "Clark please tell me…"

Clark just shook his head as he looked down, "I'm fine," he said in a voice that was unfamiliar to Lana. It didn't sound like his voice. His voice had feeling, care, hope, this voice was vacant, full of despair, it wasn't his. She wasn't just going to go away with an answer like that. She walked closer towards him and sat beside him, she gave him a reassuring hug but he didn't reciprocate, he didn't move. Lana wasn't even sure if he was breathing, it didn't sound as if he was. His body even felt cold. "Clark please tell me what is wrong." She asked again, she wasn't going to leave till she knew he was alright, this wasn't the Clark Kent she was used to, the secrecy maybe, but not this character, this empty vault of a character that was before her.

"I can't," Was all he said, his demeanor not changing one iota. He said it as though he was almost robotic as though he was incapable of any feeling, maybe pain. She saw the pain in his eyes. She wasn't going to leave him like this, she promised herself she wouldn't. She needed to know, this was one secret he wasn't going to keep from her. She decided to go with a different approach, "Why were you looking through the telescope?" she asked him.

"Searching," he stated.

"Searching for what?" She asked. She listened to him sigh again almost as though he was giving up this fight, she felt the small slip of opportunity approach her, maybe she broke down the vault?

"Searching for who I really am…," Clark said. This caught her as even more odd, even more than his actions had perceived.

She decided that she couldn't let him drown himself with these questions, that he more or less needed answers, they both did, but going deeper into this psychological mess would only harm him more. "I know who you are Clark Kent."

Clark turned to her, "I know." He smiled, "You'll always know me more than I know myself."

Lana couldn't leap for this opportunity any more. Her watched beep and she saw that it was late. She decided it was better for her to get home, though she wanted to stay, but he had smiled. That was enough satisfaction for her to know that he was okay, at least for now. But she'd have to keep a closer eye on this new Clark Kent. Maybe he'd lead her to the answers she's been desperately searching for.

-End of part 1

Part 2

Lana looked over at her alarm clock, it was 3 am and she still couldn't get to sleep. She sat up on her bed and rubbed her hands through her hair. It felt hot, it felt so hot, but she knew that wasn't the problem. The temperature wasn't any different then it was any other night. She was just so preoccupied. This wasn't as though it was the first time she couldn't get to sleep at night. Often she would stay up late into the night, pondering, questioning, crying…. She realized that mostly she would think about Clark though at times like these. Late into the night her thoughts always dwelled on him. It wasn't a bad thing, a lot of times thinking about him made her feel happy, it was their situation with each other that usually made her so upset, she wished it could be something more.

This night was different though. She wasn't thinking about the situation. She wasn't thinking about anything that was commonplace like Clark's secret, or how he does the things he does, no tonight she was thinking about how sad he was. Why was he so sad? Did he at times get like her and get upset? Well of course, but did they get upset for the same reasons? Were they both upset about the situation? No, Lana thought it was something different. Something else was bothering Clark Kent.

She got up and stretched and made her way to a chair that was set beside her window. She opened the window and looked outside. The cool refreshing night air striking her warm cheeks, suddenly she wanted to go to sleep, now when she was in an uncompromising position to do so, but that's how life works. So what was bothering Clark Kent? What else bothered her at night? Her parents…, or lack there of, that's what bothered her also many nights. Then she realized that her and Clark's situation was very similar in some cases. Though he had a loving family at the moment, they weren't his real family. He once had a mother and father, or maybe just a mother who abandoned him. She had another realization, the realization that she knew almost nothing about Clark's biological parents. Did he know anything? At least Lana had memories, items, pictures, she could dwell and remember them by, but did Clark have anything? She tried on imagining how life would be if she had no recollection of her parents or any evidence to even know they truly existed. That's all you needed really was proof that you came from somewhere…, the problem was in not belonging. That was one of the biggest problems in life and the world was never seeming to belong. She began to feel a bit melancholy thinking of Clark's predicament, if she had it right?

She wondered on whether she should ask him or not. If she went on farther with such an issue it could hurt him more, but she couldn't ignore it as though it didn't exist. She wondered if Clark would let her in enough to tell her. She had to take the chance though. It wasn't totally his fault he is the way he is. It's the conditions we grow up in that prove as the main outcome on how we are in life. Something with Clark made it so that he had to be secretive, that's not to say one couldn't break such a habit and be his or her own person.

Lana rested that night with her head resting on the window pane.

--

She spent the next day searching for Clark at school but he wasn't there. She didn't think of it much, though it was unlike Clark to miss any time at school, if there was anything he was punctual for it was school, he was almost never absent. Again, she didn't think of it much. Chances were he'd come in later in the day for a cup of coffee…. But she was wrong. Clark didn't come into the Talon later that evening either. This was very odd and after the next day of the same such occurrence she decided it was best if she asked someone on Clark's whereabouts, and who was such a person to ask?

"Pete can I ask you a few things?" Lana asked him as they strode the mighty herd making their way to their classes in a ravishing wave of glory that could only be told in a mighty swipe of a painter's brush against their illustrative canvas. The loud barge of feet, voices, and wall taping could be heard from at least a mile radius at almost any point during the passing day.

"Sure," Pete said, Lana watched as he threw his book bag over his shoulder again, almost as though he was afraid it was going to fall off. Maybe it was? Lana hadn't really noticed.

"Is anything weird going on with Clark?" Lana asked him. She watched as he nervously looked over at the odd yellow tiles that quilted themselves across the school walls like a blanket knitted by a three year old.

"No, not that I know of, I heard he's not feeling well but other than that," he shrugged and appropriately the bell ran and Pete waved goodbye and hurriedly went into the room no more than 5 feet away.

Lana stood there wondering, she didn't learn anything new. She pondered on why she though it so important to talk to someone? It didn't help. Now all she was doing was staring up at the huge red bell that hung up on blanket. Stupid bell she thought to herself, as it stood there almost taunting her with it's abilities to end all confusion that lied within these halls every few hours with just a simple ring. If only she knew of such magic that could do such a thing. Yet, here she was alone in the halls, what was so confusing? She felt sad, the loneliness and the questions beckoning deep within her. Maybe she did need to talk to someone, maybe she had just talked to the wrong person. With that she made her way out of the school and towards the Kent farm, it didn't matter if it was a long walk, being able to sleep tonight with out any worries was worth the walk.

-end of part 2

Part 3

Lana went up the steps to see Clark. She had a rather long discussion with his mother on Clark not feeling well, about him being depressed. Lana almost had to convince them to let her see Clark, his parents were hesitant. Was he hiding something? Did they blame her for what he was feeling?

She stood from the last step of the loft staring at Clark whose eyes rested down on a wooden table that lied in front of an old couch. He sat on the couch and Lana could see his face intently but again he didn't notice her. She wondered how close again she'd have to get until she broke his concentration. What was he doing? He was looking down at a blank piece of paper. There was a pen on the other end of the table and there were pieces of torn and crumpled paper. She looked on as he stared at the paper but he didn't even make an attempt to write anything, he threw the paper aside and stared at the wooden table. It was as though he could stare through it, but his eyes…. They were almost colorless, blank, like his soul had escaped him. Lana looked over at the loft opening wonder if it escaped into the dusk air.

She walked up and started picking up the pieces of paper that lied on the ground, she started to un-crumple them and attempt to read what was written on them. But there was nothing written on any of the pieces of paper, they were all like his eyes. In fact the whole room seemed blank it was almost eerie. Even the dusk sky which usually contained a huge collaboration of colors and memorizing patterns seemed to be blank this evening, it was just dark with a slight tint of orange, but it was modest to say the least.

"Clark," Lana said but he didn't motion towards her. It was as though he didn't even acknowledge he was there. What was wrong with him? Lana was starting to become scared. This was the most unusual behavior she's ever seen in her life and it's coming from someone she really cares about.

She went over and sat down gingerly next to him. She placed her hand on his back and soothingly rubbed her hand in a circular motion trying to console him. "What's wrong Clark?"

Clark just sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"What's with all the trash Clark?" She asked kicking a piece of paper she forgot to pick up with her shoe.

"Do you think we're real Lana?" He asked her.

Lana caught this by surprise; she didn't truly understand the question. What did he mean? Are we real? Of course we are. What would make him think of such a thing? Was he thinking he wasn't real? Was he contemplating on not becoming real? Such a thought scared Lana even more. "Of course we're real."

Clark simply nodded, "Human nature tells you that right?"

Common sense told her that. Was he referring to common sense and human nature as the same thing? Lana just nodded.

"I don't have many memories Lana."

This comment didn't surprise Lana. She suspected for a long time that Clark didn't know much about his past. She had a feeling that something horrible happened to him when he was young that he has tried desperately to keep suppressed and in doing so has caused him to get his memories confused often, and such affecting his personality and his trust in people.

"The memories I do have I don't know if I can trust or not," he sighed, "I don't really know where I came from, and every time I get a clue it seems so ridiculous that it almost feels that it's a joke that is being played upon me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really supposed to know where I come from, if I have the right. I wonder on why my parents sent me away, and on why they didn't want me. I know those are common questions but at least many have names or maybe some sort of idea, but all I have," he picked up the piece of paper and stared at it.

Lana finally figured out what he was doing with the paper, he was trying to think of anything that reminded him of his past. Any memories at all he was trying to place on the paper, but there was nothing, just discouragement that could be seen from them being tossed all over the loft. He had no name, no state, nothing….

Lana thanked god at that slight moment that she had pictures and other people's memories to tell her about her parents. Though it'll never make up for anything it was at least something. She realized that her own pain she felt at night because of such a thought was nothing compared to Clarks. She then realized how strong Clark really was, but something else had to be affecting Clark, because just this would've broken him down a long time ago if it wasn't for something else. She had to figure it out, but Clark was in enough pain, she didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"Clark, memories are important, but they're not the most important thing in the world. What is really important are the memories you create by what you do in the here and now. The past didn't start when you were born Clark, it started when you came into all of our lives." She lightly placed her hand on his cheek trying to feel for the warmth that was absent from there the other night, but she still didn't feel it.

Clark finally turned and faced her. He finally looked into her eyes, "I don't say it enough Lana but you're beautiful. You make me want to believe in myself. You make me want to believe that everything is real. That things will get better, but sometimes there are things…," he looked away.

Lana realized that now he was thinking about the other thing that was bringing him such pain. The thing other than his memories that were hurting him, she wasn't sure if he would tell her that problem this evening or ever. He was so secretive, but he had to tell her at some point. He was in pain, she wanted to help him but there was only one way she could really do that and that would be for him to tell her everything, but he wasn't ready for that now. She didn't want to force him to telling her. She just wanted him to realize things were real.

With her hand still on his cheek she slid it down on his chin, and turned his head to face her. "I believe in you," and with that she kissed him passionately on the lips to try and remind him how real things can be, and to give him memories that will ease his pain.

-end of part 3

Part 4

She had come to Clark in an effort to stop her restless nights. To finally be able to calm herself and fall asleep, but even after talking to Clark she wasn't able to fall asleep. No, later that evening she held him till he fell asleep, his head lying lightly against her shoulder. During the night she moved him gingerly so that his head now rested on her lap. She stared down at his innocent face, and knew that someday he'd be something special, she didn't know how but there was something that she could see within Clark that made him different from everyone else. She lightly brushed away the hair from his face and listened to him. Every once in a while she could hear a faint whisper escape his troubled lips. Even in his sleep it seemed that he was fighting something, something he couldn't control.

She would've thought that by now anyone in her position would've minded having to handle all these problems this one person was having, but she didn't mind… she didn't mind being here for Clark, no matter how long it would take. Too many times has Clark been there for her. Whether it was with a blood drive, helping her deal with Whitney, or being confident in getting the Talon from Lex, or fixing the Talon, Clark was always there. He was always there for her. She didn't quite understand why either. She knew he cared about her, but why would he make such an attempt to help her whenever possible, even at times where it seems inconceivable, he still comes through. He always seemed to believe in her. Lana couldn't believe it. All her life she always was helped along by people who felt sorry for her, but Clark was different. He didn't feel sorry for her at all. In-fact it was the exact opposite he almost seemed jealous of the way she stood up for herself and did things. But he didn't do anything for Lana out of pity, no he did it because he generally cared, and Lana recognized that, for so long she's recognized that. So what if she had to spend a few evenings helping a hurting friend, it was worth it. In-fact she wished she could do more, anything and everything possible to help the one she loved.

Love... why did she think that? She stared at Clark who rested like a child on her lap. Did she love him? Or did she like the attention he gave her? She knew she was attracted to him, but was it love? Did she love Clark Kent? What is love? In the grand scheme of things it's always your Knight in shining armor gallantly moving across the graceful field on a white horse with the sole purpose of protecting you, but was that love? Or just what we dream of it to be? She didn't think of love that way. She thought of love as an unbreakable bond that would be there forever. Did she and Clark share that bond? They shared a bond, she was sure of it, but was it a bond that would always last forever. She wanted to believe that it was, deep in her heart she wanted to believe that, but something told her that forever was a long ways away, and time is a cruel friend.

There was a bond now, that's all that mattered. What mattered was that she wanted to help her friend. She wanted him to get well. She wanted him to love her. Was she just here in the hopes that he'd confess he loved her? No she wasn't looking for that, well she was but not now…, she began to cry and didn't truly know why. It was life, that's why she cried, she was crying for the path of life. The "Road Not Taken" that's why she cried, she cried for life was just a journey on searching for love, and here it was…, she kissed the top of Clark's head, "Say you love me Clark, please… say you love me." She wanted to get up and go over to the telescope and pretend that it would show her the future. Maybe that's why Clark looked out of it. Maybe he was searching for the same thing she was, of course he was, we in life are always searching for it. It doesn't matter whether we look out a telescope, or in a paper, or surf the internet, or have a friend set it up for us, we are always searching for it…. She clutched Clark's hand, and wiped her eyes with her other hand, "Please Clark, please just say you love me…"

- end of part 4

Part 5

Clark awoke to the sleeping face of a tear ridden flower. He couldn't believe she was still here. He couldn't believe that she kept watch over him. She was always there for him. For some strange reason she put up with everything he's ever done. He hasn't been the greatest person to her either. He knew he should treat her better, he knew he should tell her the truth, but he didn't want to lose what they had…

What did they have? Was it love? He knew he loved her but did she love him? He didn't know, he wasn't sure, though he had a feeling she may love him; he wasn't secure in the thought. He wasn't positive and that's what scared him. What scared him was her not being in love with him. She was too sweet of a girl to ever be in love with a manipulator like him.

He lifted his head up and kissed her lightly on the forehead so not to wake her. "Please say you love me Lana, please…." He delicately laid her back on the couch and grabbed a blanket, he covered it over her and made his way over to a chair and placed the chair on the other side of the table that rested in the middle of the room. He picked up one of the blank pieces of paper and a pen and thought.

--

Lana awoke to a bright midday sun. She found herself in a foreign place, well at least a place she wasn't expecting. She wasn't sure where she was, till she rubbed her eyes and took a second glance around. She recognized that she was lying down on the couch in the Kent loft. She must've fallen asleep and Clark must've laid her down and placed this blanket overtop of her. She looked over and saw Clark just a few feet away from her staring down at the paper again. She frowned, but her frown slightly changed when she saw that there was actually writing on the paper this time. Had Clark remembered something? Did he finally have some sort of grasp on his past? Maybe this was a new beginning in his journey….

She sat up and stretched her arms out. She let out a little yawn and reached her head out to read what was on the paper. "Krypton?"

Clark blinked and looked over at her. She felt a warm feeling entice her when seeing Clark smile towards her. Maybe it was a new beginning, for both of them….

"I don't know what it means. Something made me write it, something told me to write it. I'm not sure what, and I don't know where it comes from. All I know is it relates to me in some way." She watched as Clark scratched his head, she almost laughed. Not because of the situation but just because it looked as though he was a lost child. Of course she was a lost child as well…, if only she could laugh at herself.

"We'll find out what it means," Lana smiled. She wasn't just trying to encourage him but she was telling the truth. She wanted to help him. She wasn't doing this just to find out about his past…, his secret…, would this reveal his secret? Would he allow her to help him if it did? Was he going to allow her to help him? No, she was doing this for more than the secret; this wasn't just about the secret. This was about him; it would always be about him, who was she convincing?

She watched as Clark glanced over at the sun seeping in, "I don't think we're going to figure out what it means," he said with a slight sadness in his voice.

"Why not Clark? I don't understand." .

She watched as his body motion changed, it looked as though he weighed more than he actually did. As he moved over to position himself over in-front of the loft opening, it looked as though he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder. "I sometimes wonder why we are here. I often think it is to find love, but I think my cause is different. Something tells me that's not what I am here for."

This caused Lana to be slightly upset. She didn't want him to say that. She wanted him to say he was here to find love. Not that he was here for something other than love; maybe he really didn't see her. Maybe they were just friends, and would always remain that way, "You can always find love on your way Clark," She made her way over to him.

Clark nodded, "If love was possible."

When he said this Lana heard the despair in his voice again. She knew he didn't want to believe in such a thing but yet he said it. Why would love be impossible for him? Did he think of himself in such a low regard he couldn't see someone loving him? No, there was something else…, What was it!? What was it! i 'Clark just say you love me….',/i "Your not making any sense Clark."

"I know… I know…," she watched as he made his way closer to her. She felt him grab her hands and hold them tight. She gasped as she stared deep into his eyes. Their faces romantically close to each other. If he knew he wasn't making any sense then why….

"I want to tell you something Lana, I want to tell you but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm ready to tell you," he said.

"Why Clark? Why can't you tell me?" She asked. He must know by now that nothing would ever change how she felt about him.

"Because Lana you'd hate me forever."

She shook her head, "No Clark, I could never hate you forever. Forever is not a time measured in hate, I could never hate you Clark, no matter what you tell me," she had to say it. He needed to know he could trust her, and she wanted to say it, she needed to say it, "The only thing that would ever last forever Clark is my love for you."

She watched as he was physically shaken by this comment. Her knees nearly buckled as he lightly brushed back her hair with his hands. "Please Lana don't say you'll love me forever. I can never fulfill your dreams forever," their lips came so ever closer.

"Yes you can, you just got to believe," she whispered.

"I want to believe, I love you Lana. My heart screams for you but…," their lips were so close that his light speech was being spoken into Lana's mouth, and the words danced down to her soul. "I will hurt you before forever ends."

"And you'll be the only one who can stop the pain before forever ends…," their lips finally came together and held there, Lana felt her own tears stream down her face and meet their lips. She hoped that her tears were meeting with Clarks. If they could forever hold this state…, then he could never hurt her…, no matter what she ever asked for in her dreams.

end of part 5

Part 6

Lana looked up the word 'Krypton' for well over a week but it lead her with nothing. Did Clark just fabricate the word? No, she believed the word to be real; there was no reason for Clark to just make up something. Why would he want more questions to a past that was covered in them already. Where did he know it though, where did it come from? Did someone make up a story with the word in it when he was a child? Was it maybe formed when he put together blocks as a child? Lana wasn't sure and it looked as though she was never going to figure it out either.

Clark had still not left his loft. He missed a few more school days but luckily Easter vacation fell upon them. Lana has been avoiding Clark ever since that night she fell asleep in the loft. She wasn't sure why she was trying to avoid him so much. She didn't understand what was keeping her way from seeing him again. Was it fear? She wasn't sure, it could've been; now realizing that she loved him and he loved her, maybe it was fear. Or maybe it was the fear that maybe she couldn't help him. Or maybe it was the disappointment she felt in not being able to find out what Krypton meant.

--

Lana sat herself down by the water's edge. She took her shoes and socks off and dipped her toes into the water. She laid her body back against the grass and closed her eyes. It was soothing, but not the greatest feeling she's ever had in her life. The water rippled past her toes like happiness through a child's eye. Always seeing it, but never fully grasping that it's there. She sighed and started to wonder what her parents would think of her now. Would they approve of her life so far? How would things be different if they were still around? What would she think of Clark?

What would she think of Clark? What would she think about him and his situation if she wasn't able to relate to him on such an issue on some level? Would she still care about him? Would she worry about him as much as she did? How would she see him differently?

She opened her eyes to see the familiar blue sky gleaming back at her. Why did she open her eyes? She knew what was going to be there, sometimes in life you had to keep your eyes closed to see what was really ahead of you. That left room for the imagination, something that would remain beyond value through the test of time. It was something that could never be taken away from you, but in new experiences and new emotions can be broadened and evolve. It was something that went beyond normal human function; it was almost as though it was an alien emotion, as though it was a gift sent to us, something that we really didn't deserve but was there, to relax and help us through our times of struggle and to expand our times of triumph.

She felt a cool breeze strike her face and she immediately brought her feet up out of the water. She sat up in an Indian style position to try to warm her body from this new sense of frigidness that had bore itself upon her. She closed her eyes trying to think of a warmer time. Trying to think of a time when she felt most content and secure in the world. The place her mind and body would like to be. It was her heart though that spoke to her when her eyes were closed and her mind was dreaming. It brought upon the image of Clark holding her close and telling her it would be okay.

Suddenly she felt warm…

-end of part 6

Part 7

"You look happy," Clark said as he approached her.

Lana looked over at Clark. His hands were nervously in his pockets, his arms straddling the sides of his frame. He suddenly didn't look so big and intimidating…, well not intimidating, Lana couldn't think of the right word, he just seemed like someone who seemed calmer more at ease. Like he wasn't carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders anymore, and best of all he didn't look wounded, not to say he looked great. She could've sworn a thick gust of wind would've sent him flying away. She wondered how she would catch him if he did fly away from her. Of course, the answer was she couldn't catch him, and didn't need to. In the end it would always be him who would catch her, secure her, like he was doing now. "Seeing you away from the loft makes me happy," she replied.

Clark gave a light tender smile and sat down next to her. They both shared their stares out towards the water. The wind pushing slight crevices into the usual calm lake, Clark wondered what Lana was thinking about. Why was she here by the water? To calm herself, he guessed. It was a relaxing place, he imagined one could possibly drift away for hours staring at its enchanted glory, and yet that wasn't what he wanted to face. No he wanted to face Lana, but he couldn't. He didn't have the courage to face her, he felt guilty for having her worry so much about him. Not to get it wrong, it was a great thought to know that she cared so much about him, it was almost relieving to know such a thing, but to him it still felt as guilt. It was him who should be comforting her, Lana had her own problems in life and Clark wanted to be there to protect her, not the other way around.

"I came to the lake in an effort… to hope," Lana said abruptly. Her face looking down at the grass, her hands picking at the blades, it wasn't as though she was trying to ignore what was happening, but as though she was trying to run away from it, but she didn't know why. Was she scared of the new Clark? The wounded Clark was so open to her…., he was still wounded? Right? She took a quick glance over at him and her question was answered.

Clark nodded to Lana's remark, "Did you find what you were searching for?" He asked her.

Lana shook her head, "I'm not sure."

Clark nodded again, "I found what I was looking for." He wondered if he could heat up the water. If he could ignite it with his eyes, did he have that much power? He didn't believe it so, he didn't feel that warmth. She was here, yet he felt cold. Time, he told himself, time will make things warm.

"What did you look for?" She knew the answer. He was looking for the same thing that she was looking for. She had known it long before when she stared at his sleeping body when they were in his loft. Everyone was always searching for the one thing that made life real. They were always searching for the one thing that made them complete, that made them special.

He finally looked over at her, with a breath. He couldn't believe he could breathe. For awhile there it felt as though he wasn't breathing, as though time was going by and had left him behind. He had caught up with it now, he saw everything for what it was in the here and now, he saw Lana, not the lake. The lake was beautiful but it wasn't as majestic and as lovely as Lana, not even close. Maybe he could stare at the lake for a few hours and admire it, but Lana…, Lana he could be in awe with for a whole eternity and yet his desire for her would never cease. She was something beyond this world, beyond anything and everything he's ever known. She was something he needed, something that he was screaming out for. She was the blanket he needed every night, the light to escape every nightmare, the answer to every question.

"I looked for answers, but I didn't find them. I've realized I'll never find them," he said trying to be brave, trying not to sound weak and scared, he was, but he needed her confidence, her love, not her pity. "No matter what I learn about my past, no matter how many questions I solve, I realize that it'll only leave to more questions. Sometimes you're not supposed to know all the right answers, that is what life's about. It's been told that the journey should be greater than the destination and I want to believe it's true, but at the same time," he looked away from her, "I don't want it to be a harsh journey, and I don't want the destination to be devastating," he turned back to her and grabbed her hand gently. He stared deep within her eyes, trying to find the strength, admiring. "There will be times where I'll be sad, upset about things that were never mine to control, but we all are at one point in our lives upset about the past. I don't want to be in such array about the future though…, I don't want my future to be filled with as much pain and ignorance. I can't let it go on like that. I love you Lana. Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I…," he paused searching for the words, the tears building in his eyes, not out of pain but out of hope, "I knew that I could never look away. That I need you Lana. That every second of the day my heart reaches out for you, and I can't have you escape its grasp any longer, I need you more than life itself, my life is only good if it can be molded by your tender embrace. Please Lana don't deny me the future I wish to live. Please say you want the same thing; please say you feel the same. I don't want to take this journey alone, and however sad it may seem, I need you, I'll always need you. Need you to show and guide me with your gentle smile and let me know that everything will be okay with your innocent stare, Please Lana."

Lana looked away, not because she didn't feel the same way but because she was scared. Never in her life had someone been so open to her, never in her life had someone ever expressed such care and love for her. Sure she knew that people fancied her often, but this didn't compare to that. She didn't know what to think, she didn't know what to say. 'Don't think', she told herself. She clenched her bosom and tried not to think, this wasn't something she could think about it was something that she had to rely on with her heart. She wiped the tears from her eyes and faced him again. Her hand was still being gently held by his, the warmth from it enriching her whole body, she could feel it…, it was stronger than any fire.

"Will we question forever?" She smiled through the tears at him.

He nodded his inviting smile welcoming the answer to her. He knew she was referring to the journey. He sniffed fighting back the sobs, "As long as we let love guide us." He opened his arms to her and she embraced him, and cried the joyous tears onto his shirt.

"Forever?" She breathed the question again in a soft, beautiful voice

He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head lightly, soothingly. He would console her, they would console each other. There was nothing to stop them now. The questions would no longer be scary. Sure, at times they would be upsetting they would leave one waking in the middle of the night with a cold sweat, but it was nothing. Nothing compared to the loving embrace of one who cares about you. Life was hard at times, it will always be tough, that's to know we're alive, but what you make from such times, how you decide to live it and with whom is what decides ones contentment. For it was never enough to just answer the questions, but have one who could ease the pain of them long after they are gone. "Forever," he whispered.

The lake became still once again and for a second everything was perfect.

-The End


End file.
